Advertising Victims – Teeth Whitening
Americans are some of the most gullible people this world has to offer and with teeth whitening it’s no different. An American can be talked into anything. This is why commercial advertising is such a good business to be in. Advertise a product on television, no matter how trivial the product may be, and there will always be a handful of idiots who go running for their checkbook. Not to say that’s a bad thing, for no household would be complete without three abdominal exercise machines and a Miracle Mop. But for the sake of the idiots, this situation needs to be brought out into
the light. If there’s a sucker born every minute, then one of these suckers hands his money over to an unworthy cause every forty-five seconds. I see a little of sucker in everyone I meet, almost without exception, and I just so happen to know a few very well. They are my friend
Joe, my very own mother, and my girlfriend. They are three people whom I love very
dearly, and it’s for that reason that their stories must be told to expose the dangers of commercial advertising.
Ask my friend Joe how many exercise machines is too many and he’d ask you what you meant. He just doesn’t understand that there is no need for him to buy the new Ab
Roller, since he already has the Ab Works and Ab Flex. I wish I could say that the madness stops at abs. Even though he’s got plenty of free-weights and a nice, sturdy bench complete with butterfly curls and leg extensions, he was sold the first time he saw a Soloflex commercial. What’s worse is he sold it six months later to buy Nordicflex, taking the three hundred dollar loss in stride. When confronted about this by someone of greater objectivity and reason, such as myself, he explained that Soloflex lacks something that Nordicflex doesn’t: cable crossovers. But in order for one to understand why I don’t understand why Joe insists on spending all of his money on as-seen-on-TV exercise products, one must
understand something: the boy hasn’t gained an ounce of muscle since he bought his first dumbbell. I’m also waiting to see those Greek-godlike abdominals that all three of his ab machines promised to deliver. Joe’s cluttered basement can be considered as one of the harmful effects of commercial advertising, but he is by no means the worst.
My mother, on the other hand, is the worst. She’s more into domestic products than barbells, though. From the Miracle Mop to that little machine that dries out fruit chips and beef jerkey, she’s got it. As a matter of fact, if you saw something on TV, and you bought it, I’d be willing to bet she bought it, too. Maybe she’s not worse than Joe, though, because at least she uses the stuff she buys, even if only for a while. Which is a good thing, since there are only so many dried fruit chips one can eat.
Well, that’s two suckers down, which leaves my girlfriend, Angie. The good thing about Angie is that she lacks sufficient funds necessary to purchase the worthless products that she otherwise would. But save as she does, once in a while she can afford to splurge on the unnecessary. My girlfriend is one of the few who actually bought the Natural Tooth Whitening System, leaving me to bear the burden of lying to her every time she’d ask
whether or not her teeth looked whiter. She also has a habit of calling those psychic hotlines to ask if I’m cheating on her and whatever else people who call psychics ask. This leaves me spending the remainder of my evening convincing her that I’m as faithful as a lapdog, and no, she will not soon die a horrible death.
What can we do, one might ask, to curb the harmful effects of commercial advertising? The answer is simple. Before making a controversial purchase, say to yourself “If I really needed this, I would probably already have it, and, therefore, I should not buy it.” One could also divert the attention of a potential nonsense buyer from his commercial program by asking him to show you how a past purchase has made his life that little bit better. Until then, people such as myself will be forced to continue convincing Joe his arms look bigger,
letting mom know how much I love her kiwi fruit chips, and, of course, telling Angie her teeth really do look whiter.
